I used an unoriginal title for the start of this blog because there is literally no other way to denote the opening chapter of this start. This story starts with my mother before I was even born. At 5 weeks in her womb I was starting to develop my kidneys and spine and uterus. At this stage my life to be was being pushed into a pattern. (I thought about saying it defined my life – but I think this would alienate myself and other women). I have chosen what matters in my life and though this journey has been lengthy, it has also brought exploration of myself as a person and my place within the world.
I have started with some large ideas of life being preset and one person’s place within the world let alone the universe. Even though we must all come to realize that we all fade in and out of this universe being barley more than a “micro-second” in the reality of time, this is not important. At a human level we are all important and most importantly you are important to yourself.
So my development at 5 weeks of age went unnoticed until the delight of sex education at school. We all remember sitting in the class room, blushing at the pictures of men and womens’ reproductive organs. I vividly remember at the age of 10 watching a cartoon of a couple “making love”. The natural UK reluctance to talk about “doing it” became very evident from that age. My sex education was pretty much depicted through the video below.
On a more serious note, being a young girl I realised that my body was not the same as what we were being taught. For several years I concerned over this fact. The shy, giggly nature of such discussions and the want to ignore reality was my first test as a young being.
One Christmas, at the age of 14, I approached my mother and aired my concerns that I could not fit a tampon into my youknow… My mother reassured me but this concern was not to disappear.
To skip time to the summer, at the age of 14 and a half, I went to the doctors and suffered the humilating experience of being examined down there.
[end of first installment]